It has been a long time since I last wrote a blog post. I feel as if I have journeyed through lifetimes of experiences and healings since we last connected. I imagine you feel similar?
It almost feels like the peaks get higher but the lows get lower. When I think I’ve experienced just about everything there is to experience out of life, it throws me a curveball and there’s another cycle of healing and integration to work through. I’m like, gaahhhh, enough already!
About a month ago I was on top of the world. I knew exactly where my life and career were headed. I had a clear plan for my healing business (how I could best be of service), for my family, our living situation and my son’s future. Everything felt like it was in this beautiful Divine flow, and I was fully embodying my power. I started practising my old manifestation exercises, and reading ‘Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself’ by Joe Dispenza, to really anchor in the knowing that I have complete control and sovereignty over my life and the quantum field it is built upon.
But then I started to feel a little depressed. My partner started working double the hours he usually does and I had to put all my career stuff to one side to look after our son. The depression turned into anxiety and deep-seated fear, all being triggered by the changes that I’m going through in my life at the moment. The feelings were pretty unbearable. Every day I would have a big, deep cry for an hour or two to release the valve. Then I’d use my comforts and coping mechanisms to get me through the rest of the day until cry time came around again. I started binge-watching Netflix and eating a lloooottttt of chocolate! If I didn’t have a little one to look after I would have sunk fully into the pain to transmute it more quickly. But when you have a child, there’s only so many hours (minutes?) of the day that you can let yourself fall apart before you need to be responsible, have energy and put yourself back together and out there again.
The pain felt so deep and personal that I began to realise it was all about the abuse I experienced as a child. Every day of this healing I have been back in the middle of that pain. I have dissociative memory loss from being sexually abused by my father as a young child. My family dynamic was especially challenging as my mother appeared cold and distant as I was growing up; from her perspective she found my father to be ‘overly affectionate’ towards me and so she though that if she was less close with me it would give me a more balanced perspective on love. Because I suffer from dissociative amnesia, I think that every once in a while a little more of the sensory experience of the abuse comes back for me to process and release from my energy field for good. When I go through these phases, I feel very immersed in the experience of being abused, as if it’s happening now. I feel a lot of guilt and shame, hopelessness and depression.
I am still in the midst of this healing now. Usually one of these episodes lasts for a few days, a week at the most. But this has been going on and on for the best part of a month now. When you go through that, it’s hard to see the wood for the trees. You can get lost in the pain of the past as if it’s your current reality.
However, as painful as this kind of healing is, it is also a tremendous opportunity. I think many of us in the starseed community have a tendency to focus on our external reality. We know we’re here with some kind of mission, usually concerned with saving/healing the planet/humanity and anchoring in a new age of love and abundance. As part of that, if you’re particularly connected with ETs you may experience the desire for them to come and save us. Trust me, I have been there! Sometimes I still am there. But because of the journey my life has taken over the past few months, I’ve come to see that my ultimate desire is ascension. I wish to ascend.
When you think about ascension, essentially it’s the raising of frequency of our being until we vibrate at such a high level that we transform into our light bodies. We shed our density and become beings of light. When you focus on ascension as your goal (either consciously or unconsciously), you are on a constant journey of raising your frequency. As your vibration raises, the densest parts of you (which are your past traumas, shock, fear and suffering) simply cannot be held within your energy any more. I almost see it that as you vibrate with a higher frequency, you kind of shake off all those dense yucky bits for them to be transmuted. For me, the natural way to transmute seems to be to re-experience the emotions and suffering as it leaves my body and energy field for good. I’d love to say that there is a quick fix for this, and healing transmissions certainly catalyse and help it, but for now I seem to need to feel what needs to be felt to set it free for good. Maybe in a sense I’m honouring my younger self by allowing the feelings to arise and be experienced. There are certain tools and techniques to ease this process, which I will share in another blog post.
Sometimes, focusing on the Event can be the easy option. It has a level of escape and fantasy to it. It’s enjoyable to focus on that beautiful bright future that awaits us all. And don’t get me wrong, focusing on the manifestation of that future is such an important part of our collective purpose! The danger is when focusing on the Event comes at the expense of our own inner work. The inner work is the unglamorous side. It’s the overeating, not getting round to having a shower until the afternoon, crying through boxes of tissues. Mustering up the energy to get the groceries. It’s the puffy eyes. Being fully human, in all our messy confusion. While we all desire for the planet to change, ultimately it comes back to our own individual journeys. This incorporates the full spectrum of envisioning the Event, to working on our ascension and healing our past wounding. They’re all different sides of the same coin, and each need to be tended to with love and gentleness. If we focus only on one area, we can become unbalanced and not evolve as quickly as we may desire.
I’m still going through my healing now. It is a long one! I also know that when I pass out the other side I will be more aligned with my higher self than ever before, and life will flow in the most beautiful way. I just want you to know that if you are suffering, it is because you are a brave soul and you are doing the real work. The gritty work of reclaiming your life and your Divinity. You are transmuting darkness for yourself and the world, to embody even more of your true nature as a bearer of light.
With so little reliable intel in our external reality to give us hope and faith, we need to step up as the leaders in our own lives. As seems to be my son’s favourite phrase at the moment, ‘This is what we came for.’
Ananja and the Pleiadians x
If you too are struggling, I am currently offering one-to-one Pleiadian Healing Transmissions. These are a fantastic way to deal with any issues in your life, to connect with your star family and to make leaps and bounds in your ascension and evolution. For more info click here.